So what type are YOU?

Have you ever been to a party where you didn't know anyone when you arrived? What did you do?

Chances are that you liked the look of someone and wandered over to start a conversation. Once in the conversation, you felt accepted, safe even. But oh dear, three minutes later you're wondering how to extricate yourself from the conversation without appearing rude. You may not be aware that your fellow conversationalist is wondering why you picked them and how they can get rid of you... politely of course!

It's highly likely that on the way home from same party you're reflecting on a great conversation or a new friendship and perhaps wondering why you got on so famously (and why you didn't pick them when you first entered the room!).

This scenario is familiar because we know nothing of people we see for the first time, except what we see. Our frame of reference for judging what we see is made up of our own lifetime's experiences plus countless other generations of inherited human development.

How many times have we been pleasantly surprised by a well-mannered punk, completed with chain connecting his ear stud to his nose stud. Or been disappointed by the ill-mannered, well dressed, gentleman behind a counter. We are all familiar with this sort of “stereotyping”. Why should I expect a punk to be ill-mannered? Or a well dressed middle-aged person to be pleasant?

I use these examples to illustrate that the “problem” lies with us. It's our own preferences, idealisms, prejudices, beliefs, etc. that determine our approach to other people. If our approach is negative, is it surprising that the target of our approach may confirm our belief? If you believe that all Volvo drivers are poor drivers, it's likely that you'll eventually be confirmed in your opinion if you wait long enough to see a Volvo driver's error. How many other, non-Volvo drivers' errors you've missed on the way is irrelevant... or is it?

The fact is that we all limit our awareness to what we regard as important. We focus on health issues more when we are ill or know someone who's ill. It's natural. However, the real benefit is when we become aware of things that we are not aware we are not aware of... if you get my drift!

This is where the Enneagram comes in.

Hands up if you've heard of the Enneagram. No? Well that's not surprising. When I ask that question in groups of people, I rarely see a hand raised and usually see blank faces with a hint of curiosity. It's not that the subject is a secret, far from it, simply that it hasn't been promoted much and that's because it usually needs explaining face to face. But it has already helped many thousands of people around the world.

The simplest definition is that it is a personality typing system that identifies each of nine distinct ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. However, it's not about categorising all of the world's population into nine groups and that's that. Far from it. We are all individual and unique. What we do all share is a preferred pattern of personality that was created in our earliest, pre-verbal, years as a means of gaining love and affection from those around us. Whilst such a strategy may have helped us then, it may not be the best strategy now that we are a little older (and wiser?). Unfortunately, we are unaware of this default pattern of behaviour despite the fact that we have been practising and making it perfect for many years.

The nine personality styles are:
1 Perfectionist - attention goes to what is incorrect/imperfect
2 Giver - attention goes to the perceived needs of others
3 Achiever - attention goes to getting things done/being successful
4 Idealist - attention goes to what is missing
5 Observer - attention goes to gaining knowledge
6 Questioner - attention goes to danger or negativity
7 Epicure - attention goes to variety and positive possibilities
8 Protector - attention goes to justice and fairness
9 Mediator - attention goes to harmony and others' agendas
So how can the Enneagram help?

Once we become aware of which of the nine styles is our own, we can then begin to see why we repeat some patterns of behaviour. When we use the phrase “there I go again” it often indicates how we demonstrate our type to others. Awareness means we can then choose to carry on using that behaviour, or to amend it or abandon it in some circumstances. There will be people around you that you get on well with, despite the fact that you seemingly share little in common. It is likely that they are the same type as you or at least a complementary style.

This is where the Enneagram has such power. It not only identifies your type, which only we as individuals can validate, but also explains how and why we are likely to behave when under stress or when we're at our best. Once we're aware of this, we can work with it. Simple really.

Of course, it's not that simple. After all, we are dealing with the whole human race here! However, many thousands of people talking about themselves in interviews and in panel groups have validated the Enneagram model within the western psychological community in the last 75 years or so. The roots of the Enneagram date back to 1,250 BC, so why haven't more people heard of it?

I believe that the Enneagram has a positive part to play in improving our self-awareness and therefore how we react to other people. This can only be a good thing, whether we're talking about couples, teams in business, religious communities or international relations. It all starts with us as individuals.

So the next time you find yourself at a party where you don't know anyone, try wandering over for a chat with the person who you think you would be least likely to get on with. You may not have correctly selected your next bosom-buddy, but you will have overcome your default type... then try asking them if they've heard of the Enneagram!

Andrew Fawkes is a member of the Association of Enneagram Teachers in the Narrative Tradition - find out more about enneagrams and which "type" you are, drop onto www.enneagramworldwide.com